


The Art of Suicide (aka University Year 2)

by missgnutmeg, science_weasels



Series: Start Another Story [3]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (She's Giving You a Head Start so RUN), Ableism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bipolar Disorder, Bucky Can Take 'Em, Deaf Clint Barton, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loki Does Who He Wants, M/M, Medication, Natasha Fights Like A Girl, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prosthetic Limb, Self-Medication, Steve Gets Sick A Lot, Steve STOP, Triggers, invisible illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-23
Updated: 2014-08-15
Packaged: 2018-02-10 03:06:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 18,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2008587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missgnutmeg/pseuds/missgnutmeg, https://archiveofourown.org/users/science_weasels/pseuds/science_weasels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Born from <a href="http://missgnutmeg.tumblr.com/post/91149039252%22%22">this post</a> floating on tumblr. Steve, Bucky, and Natasha are college roommates and best friends. Steve meets a cute boy at the hospital who ends up being in one of his classes. Steve and Bucky tend to get into a lot of fights, especially when someone insults them or one of their friends. Loki becomes Steve's boyfriend/art project.</p><p>WARNING FOR POTENTIAL EVERYTHING TRIGGERS - I have the explicit label for potential  triggers far more than the one (currently) planned sex scene. This story talks about disabilities and bullying and sickness and self-harm and all sorts of unpleasantries. These are not things that should be ignored, but please be aware of your own needs. We welcome and encourage discussion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Next Seat Over

**Author's Note:**

> I saw [this post](http://missgnutmeg.tumblr.com/post/91149039252%22%22) floating on tumblr and decided I would give it a go. My problem was that I wasn't sure I really related enough to that sort of disability to give it a fair writing. So I decided to throw in bipolar!Loki cause, hey, I'm bipolar and I can relate! That naturally lead to stoki (let's be realistic because it is me) and, yes.
> 
> The title comes from an Emilie Autumn song, and is meant to be understood as literal art not the act of killing one's self. In fact, we disapprove of that strongly. There will be Shakespeare references as I am a dork.
> 
> I have absolutely no intent to harm anyone with this fic, and if I do insult someone please let me know. I'm using this as sort of a way for myself to better understand what Ableism is and how not to inflict it on others. (Even if others may still inflict it on me.) I adore concrit and feedback as it only helps me to better myself. 
> 
> [My beloved Nori](http://scienceweasels.tumblr.com/) is acting as consultant/ideagenerator/general moral support for this. If you want to give her the love I have for her support, send her fan art of hilarity I write. (It was probably her idea anyway.)
> 
> If anyone cares:  
> Steve: Fine Arts & French with plans to continue in Education  
> Bucky: Policing/Criminology/Criminal Justice (I hear it's called different things)  
> Natasha: PoliSci w/ Russian minor (& serious martial arts outside of school)  
> Clint: PoliSci w/ ASL minor  
> Loki: History & Anthropology w/Religious Studies minor  
> Sam: Law & History (plans to join the army) / R.O.T.C.  
> Thor: PoliSci Masters / T.A. / R.O.T.C.

> There’s a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, ’tis not to come. If it be not to come, it will be now. If it be not now, yet it will come—the readiness is all. Since no man of aught he leaves knows, what is ’t to leave betimes? Let be.

― William Shakespeare, _Hamlet_

 

### 

 

“So what you in for?” Steve coughs out from behind long blonde bangs.

“Huh?”

“Why you here?”

“Oh. That's none of your business.”

Steve studies his reticent companion in the next hospital bed. He notes the sharp features and long dark hair. He also can't help but notice thick white bandaging covering what are probably thin wrists, judging from the long hands.

“Well. I'm Steve. Hi. I'm here 'cause of pneumonia. Again.”

“Again?”

“Yeah, my asthma leaves me vulnerable to all sorts of respiratory things and I end up in here a lot.”

“Oh.” The stranger looks like he's considering something. “I'm here because the doctor thinks I have some mood disorder. Father does not believe it. He says I am simply being wilful.”

“Are you?” Steve can't help but smile at his companion's accent. “Being wilful, I mean.”

“No.”

“Well, I'm sick a lot, so I sort of get what it's like to have a disorder. What I wouldn't give to just play ball with the other guys.”

“Can't you? What do you do instead?”

“Read, draw.”

“Ah. Me too. What's your favourite book?”

“Alice in Wonderland.”

“Really? That surprises me.”

Steve shrugs. “I like the idea of a world where everyone is a little broken and it's okay.”

A sad smile answers him. “It is lovely thought, certainly.”

Unfortunately, it's the longest conversation they get to have. In the three days they share a room, Steve's roommate is constantly surrounded by doctor's or nurses or family which seems to leave him more and more withdrawn. When Steve is finally released from the hospital, he barely manages a wave to his dark-haired roommate.

 

### 

 

Steve's arms are tight around Bucky the entire ride home. When the motorcycle is finally parked on the tiny driveway of the smaller 2 bedroom townhouse they are renting, Bucky pulls off his helmet to look at his passenger. “Hey, what's up, Stevie? You're usually so happy to get out of there.”

“Just wishing I could've exchanged emails or something with my roommate. He seemed nice.”

“Nice or _nice_?”

Steve punches Bucky in his right shoulder. “Jeez. I just met the guy. I'm not like you. I don't get hard-ons just cause someone's pretty.”

“But he is?”

Steve blushes as he gets off the bike and removes his own helmet. “Yeah, I guess.”

They head up the steps into their place and find Natasha has once again cleared all the furniture in the living room to the side and stands in the middle of it practising for one of her classes.

“Bucky, come here.” She chirps far too cheerfully. He walks over and she flips him as casually as one might flip a light switch.

“Ungh.” He replied from the floor. “Show Steve that one.”

Steve shakes his head, his arms wrapping around his slim frame. “I don't think I'm strong enough for that.”

“No, no, that's the beauty of judo. Come here. Bucky, up.”

Once Bucky stands, Natasha shows Steve how to position himself so Bucky's weight can be used against him. He attempts the move and grins when he successfully knocks Bucky back on his ass.

“Okay, that's pretty neat. You okay, Buck?” Steve offers his hand.

Bucky pulls himself up with Steve's help. “Great.”

“So is Clint coming over any time soon?” Steve asks, turning to Natasha. “I was hoping to go through some more ASL with him.”

“Yeah, sure, I'll go call and see when _your_ boyfriend is coming over.”

“Nat, it's not-”

Bucky cuts Steve off. “Clint isn't Steve's type. He found himself a dark-haired beauty at the hospital.”

“Oh really?” Natasha's eyebrows climb up her forehead.

“How did you know? I never said anything.” Steve is blushing anyway.

“I saw him briefly when I was picking you up.” Bucky winks. “Tall, dark hair. Just your type.”

“I don't have a type!” Steve squeaks.

“Well, Bucky...” Natasha counts them off on her fingers. “And then there was that Tony guy you like for a while. And now this one? You definitely have a type. Tall, dark, and straight.”

Steve's blush gets worse.

Bucky grins and wraps an arm around Steve's shoulders. “Aw, don't worry buddy. You probably won't meet hospital hotty again anyway.”

 

### 

 

Days later, Steve is headed back to class. It's the first day of a new semester and he feels nervous as he always does, no matter how many times he does it. He checks his schedule for the eighteenth time; Introduction to Iconography. A class about religious art that he hopes will help him with incorporating more symbolism into his own.

As he enters the classroom and looks around, he quickly realizes there is no one he knows – everyone else is first years while he's a second year – until he notices a certain young man with dark hair.

'Hospital hotty' as Bucky had named him. Steve takes a deep breath and heads over to the empty desk beside him.

“Is this seat taken?”


	2. Common Cruelties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We start seeing some daily discrimination. Steve finds a friend in class. Nat reminds us she loves Steve like a brother and kicking Bucky's ass (for him).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [My darling Nori](http://scienceweasels.tumblr.com) is now my consulting editor/idea generator. If you wish to thank her kindly draw a picture of Nat and Steve's awkward prom (to be discussed in Ch 3).
> 
> Sorry if this is a little jumpy. I'm just trying to move from Ch 1 to the main bit without dragging forever and a day. Thank you for reading. You are all so dear to me.

> What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form, in moving, how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world! the paragon of animals! And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust?

― William Shakespeare, _Hamlet_

 

### 

 

“Is this seat taken?”

Loki looks up from his desk to see the boy from the hospital – Steve? – point to the seat next to him.

“Not as yet.” Loki graciously gestures him to take it. “How are you feeling?”

“Pretty good today. I never did get your name on our first meeting.” He offers his hand. 

“Loki.” A smile and a returned handshake. “I suppose you will not let me slip away so easily this time.”

“No way. You're my new study partner.” Steve grins.

Loki is amused. “Am I?”

“Yup.” The grin gets a little more cheeky.

“Only if you join me for coffee after class.”

“Deal.”

 

### 

 

“Seriously Bucky, you should meet him. He's like a tall glass of cool water. And such hands! God, I could draw them for years.”

“Aw, Stevie's got a crush.” Bucky grins.

“It's not really...” Steve trails off, flustered.

“It's ok, Steve. Ya know I won't judge.”

They sit down at the table together with their lunch trays. Steve starts lining up his fries before he eats them. 

“Stop it, Steve. I said it's ok. You don't need to be all anxious.”

“Sorry.” Steve ducks his head and tries to just eat. 

“I'm impressed.” A voice interrupts from the next table. “How do you manage to carry that tray with one arm?”

“Uh? I have two arms.” Bucky looks over to see the unfamiliar girl addressing him. 

She shakes her head. “Not really. I mean, can you even use the fake one?”

Steve takes a deep breath and gives Bucky a look. Bucky shakes his head. “Better than you can use your fake brain, sweetheart. Why don't you learn some manners?”

The girl glares and turns away from them.

“Jeez.” Steve whistles softly.

Bucky shrugs. He steals one of Steve's fries. “Tell me more about your crush. Does he have a name yet?”

 

### 

 

They meet again, Steve waiting for Bucky outside his last class, so they can walk home together.

Bucky grins when he sees his friend there. “Waiting for me? Isn't there some other handsome devil you could be chasing?”

“But I don't have to chase you. Besides, I forgot my key and Nat's still got classes for three hours.”

“I feel used.” Bucky wraps his right arm about Steve's shoulders. “How was Life Drawing?”

“Pretty good. I think I'm going to hate the last assignment, though.”

“Why's that.”

Steve shrugs. “We have to do a modern representation of a Shakespearean character using a model of our choice. That means I'm going to have to convince someone I know to pose nude or mostly nude for me.”

“What about Loki?”” Steve blushes at the quiet teasing. As much as he would like that, he knows there's no way.

“Forget it, Buck. You know how I am. It's not going to happen.” He nudges his friend and they continue their walk, more friendly banter passing back and forth.

As they walk past a park, a frisbee falls at their feet. Bucky is about to pick it up when he hears the apparent owners yell. “Hey cyborg, are you able to get that? Or does your little friend have to help?”

Bucky glares as he holds the disk. Steve looks to find the culprit.

“Yeah.” The second of two men about their age agrees as they come over. “I bet you can't even hold your dick with that shitty plastic thing.”

It's Steve who throws the first punch. As usual. Bucky is quick to back him up, though. He punches the first guy with his right, quickly followed by a hit from his prosthetic left. “How does that piece of plastic feel now?”

The guy falls. Though Steve isn't doing too well with his own guy, so Bucky has to take him out, too. 

Steve backs away, lip bleeding. “Hey, I totally had him on the ropes.”

“'Course you did.” Bucky agrees as he carefully adjusts his prosthetic back into it's joint at his elbow – having come loose with his punch. “Now let's head home, tiger.”

 

### 

 

The cool cloth Steve had on his lip has been dropped to the desk in his concentration. He is sketching. Ostensibly, he'd sat down to do some sketches for his Anatomy class, but instead he just keeps drawing the long and lean lines of Loki's hands, his face. Those soft, pale lips.

Damn, he has it bad.

He rips up the page and tosses it in his paper bin, trying again with the Anatomy book open beside him. Trying to focus on drawing the musculo-skeletal system of the cat. Somehow, it ends up as Loki yet again. Steve sighs in annoyance and frustration at himself. 

Stupid crush. And Bucky sure as hell isn't helping with all his teasing. Steve rubs his forehead. Maybe these feelings will go away as he gets to know Loki more? He knows they'll fade once he's rejected or at least once he realizes he has no real chance.

It doesn't help him with today's homework, though.

The door opens and he looks over. It's not Bucky as suspected, but Natasha. “You okay, Stevie?”

“Yeah. Frustrated.” 

“Hmmn.” She sits on his desk, looks at the picture. “Can I help?”

“Probably not.” He smiles as she takes his hand between both of hers.

“We can get Bucky drunk enough to hit on you?”

Steve laughs. “That won't actually help. Besides, he has class in the morning.”

Natasha shrugs. “Not my problem.” She kisses Steve's hand. “You know I'm here, right?”

“Yeah.” He nods with a warm smile. “I don't know what I'd do without you.”

“You'd have no one to defend you from Bucky, that's for sure.”

He grins. “And no one to teach me judo.”

“You should bring him over.”

“Bucky?”

“No, Loki.” She musses his hair. “If he swings your way, I will be sure to get you two together.”

“Nat, that's really not necessary.”

“Sure it is.” She grins and heads to the door. “Sweet dreams, Stevie.”


	3. Coming Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve invites Loki for dinner, and he meets Natasha. Loki ends up in the hospital again. Steve bribes him out with the threat of a real date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [My darling Nori](http://scienceweasels.tumblr.com) is now my ~~consulting editor/idea generator.~~ Co-Author. Check those credits! Woo! If you wish to thank her, kindly draw a picture of Nat and Steve's awkward prom. And you want to thank her. All the -good- ideas are hers.
> 
> In other news, relapses suck. Legit. I'm honestly putting Loki through the sort of shit I've gone through, though I admit to escaping hmost ospital time due to treating/hiding my own injuries. If you don't agree with his experience, that's cool, but please respect that it is based on my own and don't be rude about it. Things will get worse before they get better.
> 
> Also, we're introing Sam. He has a sucky trigger-y back story. So you're warned. Hell. The whole story is trigger-y.

> Sir, in my heart there was a kind of fighting; that would not let me sleep.

― William Shakespeare, _Hamlet_

 

### 

 

“Loki? Uh.” Steve rubs his neck, nerves clearly getting to him. “Would you like to come to our place for dinner? It's just Natasha and me tonight. Buck's got class 'til late.”

Loki considers as he carefully packs his books to hide the fact that he'd been eyeing the tiny blonde yet again. “That depends. Is your girlfriend going to judo chop me?”

“No! Nat's super nice, I promise. She usually only uses her powers for good!” Steve chuckles and Loki shakes his head at the lame reference.

“Dork. I would love to come find out every embarassing detail I can about you from your roommates. And then I can borrow that copy of John Scalzi's 'Old Man's War' you've been promising to bring me.”

“Ah, right.” Steve blushes. “And that.”

Loki shakes his head with a smile. “Let me just text Sam.”

“Sam?” 

“My roommate. You'd love him.”

 

### 

 

As they enter the house, Steve sniffs the air. “Thank you for not trying to burn down the house, Nat.” 

“Hey. I cook better than you, stickb-” She walks into the front room and cuts herself off. “Oh, hello company. You must be the infamous Loki.”

“Infamous?” Loki walks forward to take her hand and kiss the knuckles.

Steve blushes, grateful Loki can't see. Natasha grins. “He tells us so much about you. I'll have to make sure to return the favour.”

“Oh my God, Natasha! Don't you dare.” Steve's blush gets deeper. And this time Loki has turned to see him.

“Well, at least I know I'm not the only one who turns him that colour.”

Natasha's grin widens. She likes Loki. “Well, come on. I'll be a good host if Steve is too busy being a tomato. Get comfortable.”

Loki does so, sitting on their couch as Steve slowly joins him. He notices a picture on their end table. It's Steve and Natasha dressed up quite nicely for a formal event – a dance, perhaps? – except Steve looks decidedly uncomfortable with his corsage pinned crookedly while Natasha is drop dead gorgeous in a slinky black dress. He picks up the photo. “When was this?”

“No, no, no.” Steve tries to steal the picture but Natasha takes it first.

“The worst prom ever.” She looks at it fondly. “Senior year. Steve and I broke up that night.”

“Oh really?” Loki is curious, hiding a little pang of jealousy.

“We'd been dating about 6 months. I think he only asked me because of Bucky.” She looks at Steve with double meaning heavy in her eyes. “He'd kissed me new years, I think because we were the only two that didn't have dates at the party. We ended up dating.”

She shrugs and sits on Steve's lap before she continues, and his arms curl around her waist as he rests his head on her back. “I mean, it wasn't terrible. We never really did much, but we were really close. Then Steve got all nervous before prom. He was shaky and I was sure he was going to puke. I think all those stories about people fucking after prom got to his head.” She turns to tap on the blonde noggin. “Right after that picture. I asked him if he was going to be sick and he just bursts out this confession; 'I'm _gay_!'”

“I wish I could say I was surprised. Instead I ordered him to either puke or go ask Bucky for a dance. I never found out which he chose, though, since I left after that.”

“That's unfortunate.” Loki frowns and takes Natasha's hand again. “I would never treat a date so poorly. However, I may assume you've made up?”

Steve nods with a shy smile. “She's my protective big sister. She makes me borscht when I'm sick, always knows where my inhaler is, and teaches me all the best ways to knock Bucky on his ass.”

“And did you get your dance with Bucky?” Natasha is also curious about Loki's question.

“Nah. He had a different girl on his arm all night. I couldn't ask.”

“And let me guess, too shy to ask anyone else out since?” Loki studies the blonde again, never entirely sure what to make of the quiet boy.

Steve shakes his head. “I have the unfortunate luck of only falling for straight guys. Besides, Natasha won't let me.”

“It's not that I won't let you, Stevie, it's that no one is good enough for you. Bring home a gentleman and we'll see. Anyway.” The redhead grins again, giving Loki an encouraging wink. “Dinner should be ready. Come on, Stevie needs to set the table.” 

Natasha gets up and drags Steve off the couch. Loki rises and pads after them slowly, highly amused by the two friends. He enjoys seeing this side of Steve, wishes he could see it more. In fact, he plans on it.

“So what delights have you prepared, miss Natasha?” Loki asks as he takes silverware from Steve to help him set.

“Oh, nothing fancy. Just lasagna and a salad.”

Steve makes a face then leans over to Loki. “Her definition of salad is spinach and kale topped with pumpkin seeds, flax, and balsalmic dressing.”

Indeed, Natasha walks in with just that.

“That looks fantastic. I love kale.” Natasha grins at Loki while Steve glares.

Steve and Loki sit at the table while Natasha brings out the lasagna. It looks... edible. Clearly it had been frozen at some point. 

Loki is beyond polite about it, though he takes only a small piece. He can't help but smirk as he watches Natasha fill Steve's plate for him, with far more than he truly believes the small man can eat, before serving herself.

They eat in silence for the most part until Natasha makes a comment about Steve's latest art project, and this peaks Loki's interest. “I think you've mentioned you draw, before. I did not know you did anything else?”

Steve's cheeks tinge pink. “Well, I'm a Fine Arts major. I specialize in paints and graphites though we do have to dabble in some of the others for class. I'm starting to do some studies for my major project in Life Drawing. We're supposed to do a modern rendition of a Shakespearean character. I want to do Opehlia, but I don't have a model yet.”

Loki tilts his head. “Surely you could ask your Natasha?”

“I... no.” There's that familiar blush again. “I love Nat, but I'm not ready to see her naked.”

“I'm flattered.” She says flatly.

“Is there someone you would prefer to see naked?” Loki raises his eyebrows and blinks innocently.

“Uh.” Steve averts his gaze trying to will away the damned blush already. “Not exactly.”

Natasha stands up abruptly and begins clearing away dishes. Steve may not be picking up on it, but she can certainly feel the mutual interest in the room. And she does like this one so far.

Loki's hands come together, fingers twining as he rests them under his chin. “Forgive me, I do not mean to pry. I am simply very curious about you, Steve. I find absolutely everything about you fastinating.”

“Th- Thank you.” Steve licks his lips shyly and Loki tries his best not to stare.

“We should do this again. Maybe at my place next time, so you can meet Sam.”

“I'd like that.” Steve nods. “Quite a lot.”

Loki smiles, trying not to startle Steve with his final suggestion. “I would not be opposed to dinner with just us, either.”

Steve swallows. “Like... a date.”

“Just like that.” Loki rises. “I should get going. I'll see you Friday, right?”

“Yeah.” Steve guides Loki to the door, makes sure he grabs all his stuff. “Take care.”

“You too.” Loki leans in and kisses his cheek before heading out the door.

Steve is still standing there with his hand on his cheek when Natasha checks on him ten minutes later.

 

### 

 

“Back off, kid. We don't want no runty losers.”

“Piss off.” Steve struggles. He manages to break free but shortness of breath keeps him from fighting very hard.

Luckily, Bucky isn't too far behind. 

“Get offa him!” Bucky's right hook catches the bully square across the jaw.

The man drops and Steve pants with his hands on his knees. His eye is already starting to swell and there's blood dripping from his nose. “I was okay, really.”

“Sure ya were, pal. It was just convenient timing for me, that's all.” Bucky grabs Steve's bookbag for him and tosses it over his shoulder. “Come on, you're supposed to make dinner tonight. You know how cranky Nat gets when we don't feed her.”

Steve walks in the house with his hand over his cheek again, but for very different reasons than the day before. He grabs himself a bag of peas from the fridge and puts it over his eye. “How about I order pizza? That's like cooking, right?”

 

### 

 

Loki isn't in class on Friday. It worries Steve. A lot. Loki is always punctual. Almost excessively so. Afterward, he heads to their usual coffee spot. Loki isn't there, either. He decides to call Loki's phone. They usually just text, Steve is shy and Loki doesn't like phones, but Steve is worried.

It rings eight times before someone finally answers. It's a strange voice. “Uh, hello? Loki?”

“No, sorry. It's his roommate, Sam.” Sam looks at the phone. “Is this Steve from his icons class?”

“Yeah.”

“Loki's mentioned you a lot, so I figure you must be pretty good friends. Anyway, he's in the hospital again. Maybe you could stop by? I bet he could use a friend right now.”

Hospital? Steve's breath catches in his throat. But the last time Loki was in the hospital... he doesn't want to finish the thought. “Thanks, Sam. How long has he been there?”

“They admitted him last night. He's in room 401. I visited him earlier, but I bet he'd like to see you. But you didn't hear it from me, man.”

“Thanks... Thanks.” Steve swallows and shuts his eyes. “I'm sure we'll talk again soon, right?”

“For sure.”

They both hang up. Steve concentrates on breathing for a few minutes before shooting off a text to both Natasha and Bucky. ' _Loki in hospital again. Going to see him. Home later. -S_ '

Natasha texts back quickly asking if he'd like company. Bucky shortly after to ask if he needs a ride. He replies ' _No._ ' to both and grabs the first bus to the hospital.

 

### 

 

“Loki?” Steve speaks quietly as he enters the room, backpack over one shoulder.

“In here.” The voice is tired, sad.

“I brought you a copy of today's notes. Since you're my study buddy and all.” Steve digs the notes out of his back pack, as well as his sketchbook. “And I drew you some flowers.”

The picture is torn out of the book, sunflowers in a vase reminiscent of Van Gogh. Steve sets it on the bedside table next to a real bouquet of lilies.

“I really missed you today. Are you ok?” Steve is right against the hospital bed, his hand hovers for a moment before he finally places it on Loki's wrist – which he is relieved to see does not have any bandages. “What happened?”

“I slipped.” Loki is quiet, and he looks paler than usual. Steve wants to know more but he's also unsure of pushing Loki. 

“Are you hurt?”

Loki moves his hand so it's holding the one Steve had on his wrist. “I'm fine.”

Steve doesn't believe it. He pushes himself up to sit on the hospital bed and takes Loki's hand again. “That's usually what I say just before an asthma attack. How are you?”

Loki's green eyes tear up briefly but he quickly blinks it away. “I told you. Please believe me.” He catches his lower lip with his teeth.

“Nu-uh, Loki. You can't do this to me, not when I was going to work up the courage to ask you on a real date today. Tell me.”

“You were not.” Loki manages a small smile.

“I was. I was practicing a speech and everything. I want you to be okay.” Steve squeezes the seemingly fragile hand within his.

The patient sighs. “I will be.”

“Can you tell me what happened?” Steve is patient, kind, gentle. Loki both loves and hates him in this moment. He wants to trust, and yet he knows he can't.

“Not yet. Not here.”

“Will you?”

“I'm honestly don't know.”


	4. Heavy Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet Thor. Steve adores his friends and bribes Loki with cake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not going to admit some of the ridiculous head canons Nori and I have come up with for this verse. I am going to encourage you to realize that just because someone has a a disability that it doesn't mean they understand people with different disabilities. Also remember that some disabililities are man-made; obstacles we give ourselves or others. Think before you act.

> What is a man, if his chief good and market of his time be but to sleep and feed? a beast, no more. Sure he that made us with such large discourse, looking before and after, gave us not that capability and god-like reason to fust in us unused.

― William Shakespeare, _Hamlet_

 

### 

 

“Isn't Loki's last name Odinson? Is he related to a Thor?” 

Steve looks up from his drawing. “Thor? I can ask, why?”

“He's the T.A. For our kineseology class. And Odinson is kind of an unusual name.” Natasha points out.

Bucky nods agreement.

“I guess.” Steve shrugs.

“Now tell me more about him. You can't introduce him to this Eurotrash and just leave me out in the dark.” Bucky's insult is all act though it earns him a punch in the shoulder from Natasha, none-the-less.

Steve laughs. “Well, he's tall. And thin, but like a runner. And he's got this absolutely wicked smile that shows all his teeth. His perfect teeth, at that. Oh and his eyes are the very definition of green.”

“You're rather gonzo over this guy.” Bucky grins and slugs Steve's shoulder.

“Ow!”

“It seems like it.” Natasha considers. “I might have to do some background checks on this fellow.”

“Please don't.” Steve practically begs.

“Do it! I wanna know!”

“I'll think about it.”

Steve blushes. “Can't you just leave him alone? I'm allowed to date, ok?”

“Date?” Bucky's eyes light up.

Natasha grins. “I knew he was going to ask you.”

“I... he hasn't. I'm going to ask him.” Steve also grins. “I can't hide behind you two and wait forever.”

“Well, I get first dibs on kicking his ass if he breaks your heart.” Bucky hugs the thin blonde.

“Only because there will be nothing left if I go first.” Natasha's jibe is softer, though, tinged with affection for both. “Nobody hurts my Stevie.”

“Guys, stop it! It's just a date. It's not new or scary, you both have had lots of them, and I used to date Nat!” Steve is a little overwhelmed by the both of them.

“Just because you mistook her for a boy-” Bucky doesn't get to finish as Natasha smacks him over the head. 

The redhead sticks out her tongue. “Good thing we never made the same mistake with you.”

Bucky puts a hand over his heart. “Colder than your homeland.” He dramatically pretends to faint against her shoulder.

“Jeez. Remind me to never bring Loki here with both of you. He'll dump me for certain.”

“Hey!” Two voices protest in unison.

 

### 

 

“Loki, may I ask you something?”

This earns Steve a puzzled look. Loki's only been out of the hospital a day, and part of him worries Steve will ask again about why he was put in. “Of course.”

“I still need a model for my life-drawing class. Would you. That is. Would you be willing to pose for me?”

Blessed relief. “That is the class with the nudity?” Loki only pretends not to remember, secretly thrilled that Steve is asking him.

“Sometimes. Doesn't have to be.”

“Will I be posing for you or for your class?”

“Just me.”

Loki considers. “It will cost you dinner.”

Steve treats him to a sweet smile. “I'll even throw in dessert.”

“What kind of dessert?”

“My famous mocha cheesecake.”

“Deal.” Loki peeks around the coffee shop before giving Steve a quick peck on the cheek. Steve shyly returns one of his own. “Just us? Will it be a date?”

“Umn.” Steve swallows nervously. “Yes. I have the house on my own until nine on Mondays. Come over then?”

“I will. Gladly.” Loki takes a sip of his latte, trying to hide the smile that's taking over his face. It's unnecessary, however, with Steve shyly staring at his hands.

 

### 

 

Natasha is practically pounced by Steve as she leaves her kineseology class.

“Nat! He said yes.” He squeaks into her ear with a hug.

She laughs and hugs him back. “Of course he did. Oh, wait. You've got to meet my T.A.”

Natasha leads Steve back into the classroom past the other students and towards a tall blonde with a short beard and many muscles. “Thor? This is my friend Steve, remember I mentioned him?”

“Yes, of course, Natasha. Greetings, Steve.” He offers a strong hand and Steve takes it tentatively.

“Hello, sir. Natasha says you have the same last name as my friend Loki. Any chance you're related?”

“You know Loki? He is my brother.” Thor's smile dips slightly.

“Oh. Well, I'm glad he's out of the hospital. He really scared me but he seems to be better.” Steve offers.

Thor shrugs. “The doctors keep saying he's bipolar but our father will not listen so I fear Loki hasn't been getting the proper care he needs.”

“Do you know what happened? All he told me is that he slipped?”

Thor shakes his head. 

“Can I help?” Steve is worried, Natasha takes his hand in support.

“Can we help?” She corrects.

“His roommate and I already try to watch over him as best we can, but if you are his friends perhaps he will come to you when he does not come to us. I can get you information, if you like. I've done some research on the disorder but I am not a doctor. All I can do is love and support him.”

Steve nods and takes Thor's hand, giving it a squeeze. “We'll help. I don't want to see him in the hospital again.”

 

### 

 

As he and Natasha get home, Steve drops his bag with a loud thud. 

“Woah, what's up?” Bucky looks up from the textbook he had allegedly been reviewing.

“Steve's new boyfriend is broken.” Natasha offers as she rubs Steve's shoulders. 

Steve sighs. “He's not broken. It's just a mood disorder. I'm more broken than he is.” He relaxes a bit into her touch but tries to motion her further into the house before they continue.

“Mood disorder? Like an emo kid or something?”

“Call him an emo kid and I'll call you a gimp.” Steve glares. “He can't help the chemicals in his brain any more than you can help the fact that your arm ends before the elbow.” Okay, now Steve is feeling a little guilty but he still continues. “The problem is his dad won't let him have the help he needs.”

“Sorry. Sorry, buddy.” Bucky sits up and frowns.

Natasha sits in the chair and sits Steve in front of her so she can continue to massage his shoulders. “He's not going to be 18 until next year, either, so he has to listen for now. Stevie's scared he's going to hurt himself.”

“He _was_ in the hospital again.” Steve sighs and looks back at Natasha.

She runs her fingers through Steve's hair. “Stop worrying. He's one of us now. We'll take care of him. Won't we, princess?”

Bucky's purses his lips at the nickname but sighs. “Of course we will. If he means that much to you, Steve, he's gotta be worth a chance.”


	5. Glass Houses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki learns that Steve knows his secret. He takes it out on Thor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just gonna throw out [the spoon theory](http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/), in case you haven't seen it. Needless to say, Loki ran out of spoons.

> I am very proud, revengeful, ambitious, with more offences at my beck than I have thoughts to put them in, imagination to give them shape, or time to act them in.

― William Shakespeare, _Hamlet_

 

### 

 

“What's it like?” Steve's voice is soft and his eyes are focused on his sketchpad.

“What's what like?”

“Being bipolar.” The blue eyes finally glance up at his model, taking the risk. “Is it like when I get sick, sort of sudden? Or do you know it's coming? What's it like?”

Loki tilts his head slightly, trying to hides his sudden anger and trying not to break his pose. “Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes. It can be like all of that. Sometimes I feel so heavy I can hardly move and other times the world is going so fast it makes me shake. It can be terrifying and elating. I get so anxious I could vomit, so angry I could break the world, and so sad I could just let go.” Loki shrugs. “I can't describe it properly.”

“I... it's enough.” Steve smiles encouragingly and moves to sit next to Loki. “When we met in the hospital, you'd tried to kill yourself.” It's not a question.

“Yes. I'd just found out my entire life had been a lie. I was a little upset about it.”

“I'm glad you failed.” He gently reaches for Loki's hand. “May I?”

Loki nods.

Steve raises the wrist to his lips and kisses the pale scar. A sigh escapes Loki.

They stare at each other for a long moment, trying to decide what the other is and what he wants.

Finally, it's Steve who braves the distance, who is willing to dare for more. He leans in and places a shy kiss to Loki's mouth, more sucking on the pouted lower lip than anything. 

He's blushing fiercely when he pulls back and tries not to meet Loki's eyes.

“Hey.” Loki pulls Steve's chin up. “Don't you dare kiss me unless you really mean it.”

“I do.” Steve tries not to look ashamed.

Loki grins and tugs Steve close for a second kiss, the blonde's lips part in surprise so Loki takes advantage to slip his tongue into the awaiting mouth. He refuses to release Steve until they are both breathless.

“Like that.” Loki's nose is against Steve's cheek. “We'll just have to keep practicing until you master it.”

Steve presses his lips together in a failed attempt not to grin. “Please?”

Loki's fingers trail along Steve's jaw. “Come here.”

 

### 

 

“THOR!” Loki marches into his brother's dorm and slams the door behind him. “Who said?! Who gave you the _right_ to say anything?”

“I beg your pardon?” Thor looks up from the pile of papers on his desk to his enraged younger brother.

“You told Steve. No one else would have. Were you also the one who told him I was at the hospital again? It's not your fucking right, Thor!”

“Hey, calm down, Loki.” Rising, Thor steps forward and puts his hands on Loki's shoulders. “He asked about you, he was worried. I told only the truth.”

Loki pushes away. “You told him my truth. That was _my_ truth to tell, _not yours_. You told him and now he's probably going to hate me and we'll break up before we even have our second date and it'll be _all your fault._ ”

“He did not tell me you were dating. Brother, calm your temper. I did not wish you ill. Surely any man who worries enough to seek you out when you miss a single day of school, or to find your brother to ask after your illness is one who cares deeply. He will not leave you over so little a thing unless you choose to drive him away.”

Loki lifts his chin angrily. “You know nothing, Thor. Stay out of my affairs. Why don't you go tell _father_ that I'm gay, too. That'll make everything better.” With his last spiteful words, Loki turns on his heel and leaves a very concerned and frustrated brother behind.

 

###

 

Loki slams the door as he enters his own dorm, still angry with his brother. He tries to calm, eyes shut and he leans against the wall with his hands on his face. He thinks of cool lips touches his, of shy hands and bright blue eyes. He refuses to lose Steve because of this fucking disease, too. He's already lost too much. 

He slouches to the floor, his shirt catching on the wall. A shaky breath escapes as he tries not to cry. His thighs ache. They ache so much beneath the bandaging. He should probably change it, probably clean the cuts before he goes to class, before he sees Steve. But he doesn't think he can manage it. Not today, not after yelling at Thor. He has nothing left.

He thanks whatever deity is watching him that Sam has classes all day and decides to skip. He can afford to miss another class. Another shaky breath escapes. He should probably text Steve, though. Don't let him worry, don't let him think anything is wrong. Loki tries to remember where his phone is. Not that it matters. It's so far. So far.

Loki doesn't notice Sam come back, nor does he realize he has his hands tangled tightly enough in his hair to tear until Sam is beside him, gently coaxing the fingers out.

“Come on, Loki. You're okay. Do you need anything?”

Loki's voice is soft. “My phone. Please. My phone.”

“Here it is, man.” Sam places it gently in Loki's newly freed hand. “Who do we need to talk to?”

“Steve.” They pull up the number. All Loki can manage to text are the words ' _I'm fine._ ' He hopes Steve will understand. He stares at Sam through bleary eyes as his head rests against the wall. “I'm so over today.”


	6. Spared Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is... helpful. Loki is not well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't count pages, whatever, this chapter is a touch short. So am I. Live with it. ;) I was learning basic ASL last night. Someone help me convince Nori that I should post all her mini-gifs with our names for everyone in the fic! ~ nutmeg

> What is a man, if his chief good and market of his time be but to sleep and feed? a beast, no more. Sure he that made us with such large discourse, looking before and after, gave us not that capability and god-like reason to fust in us unused.

― William Shakespeare, _Hamlet_

### 

 

Steve is scanning through his sketches, trying to decide which pose to use, when he feels Bucky's hand on his shoulder.

“Man, you drew him dressed? What a wasted opportunity.”

“I didn't want to make him uncomfortable.” Steve is turning red.

“Unhuh.” Bucky looks at another portrait. “These are really good.”

“Thanks.”

“I can see why you like him. Did you...?”

“Did I what?”

“Did you two fuck yet?”

“Bucky!”

Bucky grins and holds up two condoms. “For when you do.”

Steve turns an even darker shade of red. “Buck... I...”

The condoms are placed in Steve's hand. “Just taking care of you. So. How far _have_ you gotten?”

“Well. Uh. We've kissed.” The answer is stammered out.

Another grin. “Was it good?”

“Bucky!” Natasha interrupts, slightly worried about the particular shade of red Steve has managed. “You had your chance and you chose women, now leave Stevie alone.”

Bucky is tackled by the red head and they end up wrestling on the floor.

Steve just shakes his head and hides the condoms in his pocket before Natasha can notice them.

Natasha finally wins by grabbing Bucky by his artificial arm, flipping him to the floor, and sitting on his chest. She looks up at Steve. “You still sure you don't want me to ask Thor anything else about Loki? We just want to make sure you're both okay.”

Bucky grunts an agreement.

“If there's something I need to know, I'll just ask Loki.” Steve smiles. “Thank you, though.”

 

### 

 

Loki's missed a third class, so Steve decides to bring him coffee, and grabs an extra in case his mysterious roommate is in.

Steve knocks on the door, which is answered by a rather attractive man with dark skin and eyes.

“Uh, hi. Sam?” Steve grimaces slightly hoping he's right.

“Yup, and I'm guessing from the voice that you're Steve. C'mon in, man.” Sam backs up and Steve follows him in to the small room. Loki is sitting on one of the beds with his knees curled to his chin and a book in his hands.

“Hey. I brought coffee.” Steve holds the tray and gestures. “I brought one for you, too, Sam, but I wasn't sure how you took it.”

“Black is just perfect.” Sam grins and takes the offered drink, ignoring the sugars and creamers.

“Loki.” Steve is gentle, holding out the unsweetened latte that is Loki's preferred poison. “Here, a latte.”

Loki looks up with sad eyes but accepts it.

Sam nods to both of them. “I've got a meeting right away, so I'll catch you kids later. Great to meet you, Steve.”

Steve waves politely as Sam leaves before joining Loki on his bed. He snuggles right up against the taller man and pulls one of the long legs over his. “Hey. I know you're not feeling great but you can't lock me out. I want you in my life and I want to be part of yours. I told you, I'm not letting you slip away so easily this time.”

“Really?” Loki's voice is soft, and his eyes are wet. Steve puts his hands to either side of his head and gently strokes the pale cheeks with his thumbs.

“I'm obsessed with you, Loki. It might even be love, with enough time. I want the chance to find out.”

“Well, I am rather mad about you, too.” Loki manages a fragile looking smile.

“Good.” Steve leans in to kiss him, a careful kiss filled with compassion and just a touch of desire.

They kiss again, Loki shifting to straddle Steve's lap. His arms curve around the small man's back to keep him close. As they break this time, Loki presses his face against Steve's neck. His eyes are wet again and he begins to cry. Steve's arms encircle him, one hand gently stroking his back. He doesn't judge. He simply holds Loki close until his sadness drains away.

 

### 

 

The next day Steve comes home from classes to find a long stem rose on his bed. Neither Natasha or Bucky will admit to letting Loki in though he knows it has to be from him. Beside it is a simple card saying thank you and asking him to go to Loki's for another date and to work on his sketch after class on Friday.

Steve looks forward to it.


	7. Heart to Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve goes to Loki's to try his hand at drawing Loki nude. They get distracted. The distraction actually helps Steve's art when they're done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just sex. If you don't want to read the smut, you can legit skip this chapter. All you need for plot is nude drawings happen after the boys discover the joy of each others' bodies. The end.
> 
>  
> 
> If you do like smut? Enjoy.

> Give me that man that is not passion's slave, and I will wear him in my heart's core, in my heart of heart, as I do thee. 

― William Shakespeare, _Hamlet_

 

### 

 

“You want this?”

“Yes.”

“You're sure?”

“Yes!” Impatience enters Steve's voice as he strokes his thumb along Loki's throat. He'd be lying if he said he didn't know how it had come to this, in fact he's a little shocked he hadn't seen it coming. 

Steve really should have realized that further modelling for his portrait would mean a naked Loki. He also should have realized the affect that naked Loki would have on his own body. They had started with just the torso, just Loki's chest exposed. Steve had blushed a lot but he'd managed through. It was when the pants came off that the trouble really started. The problem was that there was no where safe left to look. It was either long muscular legs, the thin sculpted chest, that taught round ass, the pale cock in its nest of dark pubic hair, or those mysterious green eyes. Steve was doomed.

He'd tried to hide his arousal with his sketchbooks but when he rose to pose Loki again, he was horrified to accidentally press himself against Loki's backside and cause him to gasp. The horror faded a bit when he peeked at Loki's cock again to find he had a similar problem. That was when Loki suggested it might be easier if they dealt with their little issue first.

“What about protection?”

“I... have some. Bucky, he...” Steve shakes his head, being pulled from his reverie. “In my wallet.”

Loki laughs, easily reading between the lines. “It's like your own little family. Just as bad as my brother. Shall we shock the hell out of them by removing some of your innocence?”

Steve's cheeks tinge pink.

“Come.” Loki holds out his hand. Steve takes it gingerly. “This is new to me, too.”

They kiss, comforted by the now familiar feel of each other's mouths. Then the touches resume, a slow progression of hands over skin and clothing. Loki takes the lead to the next step and unbuttons Steve's shirt. Steve bites his lip as the layer comes off and leaves him in his undershirt.

“Do you wear so much to add bulk?” Loki muses as he tugs the undershirt off. “I don't understand it. Look how lovely you are.”

Steve's cheeks are red again. “Thank you.” He can feel Loki's hands over his bared skin and wonders what they'd be like on the rest of his body. This leads him to the sudden awareness of how much tighter his pants have become and more blushing.

“Loki...” The soft artist's hands begin to explore Loki's chest, following every crease and smoothing each expanse. “I really should paint you nude. You're amazing.”

Loki smiles, kissing Steve. “Am I your muse, then?”

“My modern Ophelia.” Steve quotes. “Doubt thou the stars are fire; doubt thou the sun doth move; doubt truth to be a liar; but never dou-”

He's cut off by another kiss.

“Come, Hamlet, take off your pants. Let's not be another tragedy.”

Steve chuckles then does as he's told, pants and boxers falling to the floor. He modestly tries to hide his erection but Loki pulls his hands away.

“Let me see my artist.” Steve manages to invent a new shade of red under Loki's scrutiny but Loki brings Steve's hand to his own hard flesh. “I want you, too. I've dreamed of you. Touched myself with your name on my tongue. May I have you, Steve?”

It takes all of Steve's will to speak and not merely nod his answer. Then he finds himself pressed against Loki, skin on skin. At first, they rub against each other, simply to feel the other's body. Once they gain a little control, they kiss and begin a whispered conversation about their situation.

“What do we do now?”

“What would you like to do?”

“I don't know.”

“I could take you with my mouth.”

“No, that doesn't seem-”

“Shall I enter you from behind?”

“Uhm.” Steve nods. He's always been curious.

“We'll need your protection, then. And probably something to ease the way.”

“Ease...?”

“It's going to be rather difficult having sex if you're going to insist on discovering every shade of red on the way.” Loki teases gently. “Oil, maybe? I've read it's easier between men with some sort of lubricant. I hardly wish to hurt you.”

They find some vaseline and decide it will do. Loki helps Steve onto his bed, face down, and coats his fingers with the slippery substance before trailing them along the small of Steve's back and along his crack.

Steve moans at the fell and then moans louder as Loki presses kisses along his spine while gentling his two fingers into his ass. 

“God...” Steve tenses then relaxes again under Loki's care. A tongue is lavished across his shoulder blades and gentle bites to his neck. All the while those fingers are moving to relax and ready him. When Loki thinks he'll be ok, he removes his fingers and liberally adds more of the lubricant to his cock.

Loki slides between Steve's legs, he supports his weight by placing his hands on either side of Steve's hips then carefully presses his condomed cock against Steve's ass. He listens for any complaint before he begins to slowly push into the small opening awaiting him.

About halfway in, he pauses at the sound of Steve keening. “You ok? How does it feel?”

“It's weird.” Steve admits. “It hurts a bit but it's good. Like you're touching something no one else can.”

Loki smiles. “Shall I continue, then?”

“There's more?” Steve grunts as he is fully filled and his fingers clench the pillow in front of him. It's certainly nothing like he thought it would be.

Loki is perfectly still, the sensation of Steve racing through his nerves. His body is screaming to move so he gives over to it, gripping Steve's hips and starting with shallow thrusts.

Steve rocks his pelvis to meet Loki's thrusts. He's enjoying it but it's not until Loki hits a certain spot that he really gets what everyone goes on about. “Oh God! Whatever that was, do it again!”

“This?” Loki hits the same spot and Steve nearly falls forward with elation.

“Yes! Yes, please. Loki, please!”

“Shh. I'm here.” His thrusts speed up as he once again places gentle kisses along Steve's bony spine.

The repeated pressure on his prostate makes Steve dizzy and soon he is overwhelmed with feeling as his semen spills from between his legs.

Loki isn't far behind. Once the muscles of Steve's body begin to tighten, he can only manage a few more thrusts before he's filled the condom. After a moment to breathe, he gently pulls out so he can dispose of it.

They lay side by side in Loki's bed, staring at each other as Steve's semen dries to their thighs and to the sheets. Finally, Steve breaks the silence. “Can we do that again?”

Loki laughs. “Yes. Again and again. Both ways, so we can each feel everything. I'll buy us more condoms and some proper lubricant.”

“I'd like that.” Steve is red again. “It did hurt a little at first, but it got a lot better. I think that it helped.”

“There was something else, too. What?”

“It's... may I show you?”

Loki nods.

Steve greases two fingers with the vaseline then presses them to Loki's ass. He slips them gently inside the tight hole. Moaning at the warmth, he starts to become hard again imagining his cock inside instead of his fingers. However, he focuses and tries to find that one spot for Loki. His exploring fingers encounter a small nub and Loki gasps so Steve rubs it again and again. Soon he can feel Loki's arousal pressing against his hip.

“I think we're ready for that second round.” Loki whispers with a laugh as he reaches for the condom. “Your turn.”

Steve is almost unwilling to remove his fingers, but he needs to in order to roll on the rubber.

He finds Loki lying on his back beneath him, legs spread wide, so he settles between them and guides his cock to the tight entrance.

“Ready?”

“Yes, please.”

As Steve's length slowly enters Loki's lubricated hole, he lets out a shuddering breath and bites his lip. This part is pretty amazing, too. Loki is unbelievably tight and warm around him. It takes all his will power not to simply come as he is. He grips onto Loki's arms tightly, and looks into the green eyes below him. “Wow.” He manages.

Loki laughs. “Move, Steve, find that spot again for me.”

Steve moves. It takes several thrusts, but he finds the spot that makes Loki start gasping again. Once he does, he keeps his thrusts over that spot to give his lover as much pleasure as he can. While he moves he clamps down on Loki's nipple to tease it with teeth and tongue. And when he feels Loki's hand move down to stroke his cock, he reaches down with his own so they're both stroking Loki in time with Steve's hips. 

Steve comes first, his stamina never much, but he doesn't pull out until after he feels Loki spurting over his hand, until Loki has stilled. Then he presses his forehead to Loki's chest when he does. “Sorry.”

Loki's come-spattered hand strokes his cheek. “Don't be. I enjoyed that.” 

Small hands trail down, stroke gently over Loki's thighs, feeling the roughness of newly healed skin in thin lines as they continue down. Steve looks up to meet Loki's eyes. “How long? Is this why you were in the hospital?”

The look is quickly avoided. “Long enough. I promise I'm fine. Let's not ruin this.” 

They clean up, washing themselves and changing the bed sheets. Steve borrows a pair of Loki's pyjama pants – which Loki thinks are adorably too big for him – and they order pizza as Steve resumes sketching the nude beauty. He does find it easier now that he's more familiar with that body. 

He blushes as he looks at Loki through his long lashes. “You really are beautiful.” He bites his lip and goes back to his work.


	8. Stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve spends some time with Loki's roommate, then Loki does the same with Steve's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because shirtless Loki and cheap Chinese food. Apologize if I missed any typos, a bit of a headache today.

> What is a man, if his chief good and market of his time be but to sleep and feed? a beast, no more. Sure he that made us with such large discourse, looking before and after, gave us not that capability and god-like reason to fust in us unused.

― William Shakespeare, _Hamlet_

 

###

 

“So what's your story?” Steve asks around a mouthful of lo mein. Sam, Loki, and Steve all sitting on Loki's bed eating the cheapest Chinese food they could find in the phonebook.

“What do you mean?” Sam swallows the last of his eggroll. “I'm his roommate.”

“No, no.” Steve gesticulates with his chopsticks. Loki ducks. “Like, I'm a Fine Arts major, I live with my two best friends, date this guy, don't have family anymore, am in and out of the hospital with respiratory stuff, love cheeseburgers and apple pie, and I don't like bullies. Your story.”

Sam grins. “Oh. Well. I'm studying Law and History though I'm also R.O.T.C., single, don't see much of my family, hated high school, like cheap Chinese food, and don't care much for school violence.”

Loki rests his head on Steve's shoulder and takes his hand, twining their fingers. He's long since given up on his dish. “Apparently Sam also knows my brother. The lot of you are ganging up on me now.” He sighs, but it doesn't really sound too disappointed.

“Hey, I’ve seen some shit. I want people I care about to be okay.” Sam holds out his hands defensively. .

“Me too.” Steve nods. “My ma got really sick last year, it was hard when she went. My dad died overseas while I was still a kid. It's tough losing people. I don't want to lose anyone else.”

Loki squeezes Steve's hand.

“I lost my best friend in high school. He- Well, I don't like to talk much about it. It was pretty bad though.” Sam goes back to eating. “It was nice to move so far and get away from that past.”

Another nod. “I can get that. I remember when Buck lost his arm.” Steve offers a smile. “We live for a reason. We survive these things to get stronger. We met because Loki won his fight. I think that's pretty important.:

Loki looks up, looks between the both of them. “I never thought of that. I am grateful for both of you.”

Sam nudges him. “Friends are the family you never get rid of. Even if you sometimes want to.”

“Thinking of that, you guys should come over for movie night tomorrow. You can meet Clint.” Steve offers Loki some of his rice but Loki shakes his head.

“I have class. Raincheck?” Sam takes the rice happily.

Steve never minds sharing. Natasha always tries to feed him twice his body weight. “Yeah. You're a cool guy, we'd love to see you any time.”

 

###

 

Clint grins at Natasha, pressing two knuckles against his cheek with a twist before moving into a series of motions too quick for anyone else to follow. She responds in similar gestures.

Steve sighs at both of them. “Stop talking about me and slow down.” He makes a sign along the lines of 'slow'.

Winter has begun to set in, and Steve feels it more than most. He coughs a lot more than usual, and uses his inhaler more. He claims to be fine but his friends all watch carefully.

He coughs now, missing the next (and slower) signs Clint makes in his direction. “Sorry.” He looks up and Clint repeats them. “Yes, Loki is coming over. No, I don't know when he'll be here.” Followed by the sign for 'unsure'. Steve isn't anywhere near as fluent as Natasha at ASL, but he tries when he can to make Clint's life easier. He even takes lessons from Clint when they both have time.

They chat more, Clint encouraging Steve and teaching him a few new signs. They even manage to remain completely silent for a ten minute stretch which Clint gives Steve a friendly arm squeeze for. Though he laughs when Steve accidentally calls himself a school bus.

Bucky comes out of their room, then, and tries to join in the conversation. He automatically makes it worse by signing out that he fucked a light shade followed by asking Clint about his 'bitch' instead of his 'mother'.

"It's lucky Mom likes you." Clint says, switching to spoken English, "Because you just called her a bitch. Again."

“Damn it! How the heck do you guys do this?” Bucky pouts and sits on the couch.

“Practice.” Steve sits next to Bucky. “You'll get it.”

Bucky shakes his head. “So what movie are we watching tonight?”

“This one.” Natasha pulls out a DVD. “Velvet Goldmine. It's artsy, you'll probably hate it.”

Clint agrees with a grin as he plops down on Bucky's other side. “He probably won't like the naked scene, either.”

“Naked-?” Bucky's questions is cut off by the door bell, which Steve pops up to answer. It's Loki, of course, and Steve steals him to the kitchen for a few kisses and to make popcorn while Natasha sets the movie up.

“You look divine.” Steve whispers as he tugs at the collar of Loki's green shirt while they wait for the popcorn.

Loki answers with kisses, arms wrapping around the thin waist before him. The microwave beeps and they ignore it in favour of each other's lips and tongues.

“Stop kissing and get in here!” Natasha eventually shouts from the couch. 

“Hungry people need popcorn so they don’t eat their girlfriends!” Clint adds, mimicking a zombie and moving towards Natasha.

Steve and Loki laugh, grab the big bowl and head out.

They all squish onto the couch – Clint perched on top of the couch with Natasha sitting in front and propped against his legs, Steve on Loki's lap, and the popcorn on Bucky's lap in the middle – as the lights are dimmed and the movie starts. The closed caption comes up automatically, as they never even turn it off when Clint isn't around anymore.

They laugh and joke and tease throughout the movie, especially during the naked scenes. Steve blushes, Clint tells them to shut up because he can't hear, Natasha hits Bucky... over all, a very good time. Loki is grateful to have been included. He's starting to love Steve's little family.

 

###

 

When the movie ends, Clint retreats with Natasha to her room. Bucky then kindly offers to stay on the couch, so Loki can stay with Steve in his and Bucky's room.

“Are you certain? I don't wish to be a bother. I can even head home, it's not too late.”

“No, stay. It'll be good for Stevie. Make him a man.” Bucky grins.

Steve blushes and Loki laughs. “I like you. Thank you, Bucky.”

They all head to the bedroom and Bucky grabs a pair of pyjamas, a pillow, and a blanket. “Now you two don't do anything I wouldn't do.” He heads out with a wave and a grin.

“That leaves things rather open.” Steve jokes as he lightly touches Loki's hand.

“I'd bet.” Loki smiles and wraps his hand around Steve's. “Bed?”

“Uh. Yes.” The blonde is looking a little nervous.

“To sleep.” The shirt is unbuttoned and neatly folded.

“Oh, good.” Steve gives a shaky laugh. “Sorry.”

Loki shakes his head and undoes his jeans. “I understand. I'm not exactly a fan of the presumption, either.” He folds them and puts them with his shirt, leaving him only in a pair of dark grey boxer shorts.

Steve eyes the athletic frame and starts to undress as well, though with a lot more blushing then even Loki thought him capable of.

“Really? I've seen you naked.” Loki teases once Steve is down to his shorts and pushes him into Steve's bed.

“That was different!” Steve tries to protest as he pulls Loki down into the bed with him.

“Different how?” Loki spoons up behind Steve, wrapping arms around him. “Bucky wasn't in the other room trying to overhear something scandalous?”

Steve pulls the blankets over them, then turns to face Loki and tangle their legs together. “For instance. But I'm pretty sure you made fun of me for blushing then, too.”

“You don't need to be embarrassed around me. I want to see you naked. Again and again.” Loki kisses Steve's nose. “And again and again. And again. My Hamlet.”

“Ophelia.” Steve nuzzles under Loki's chin to make room for his blonde head. “Doubt thou?”

“But never doubt my love.” Loki whispers with a warm squeeze. They fall asleep in their tight embrace.

 

###

Steve is awoken by gentle kisses on his eyelids and cheeks. He blinks his blue eyes open to find Loki straddling his hips and leaning over him.

“Good morning, beautiful.” Loki purrs as he steals a passionate kiss from the pouty lips.

“How did you know what I was going to say?” Steve smiles shyly one he gets his mouth back. “Sleep well?”

“Never better.” A long hand brushes over Steve's chest. “Get up. I want to make waffles.”

Steve laughs. “Waffles? You know how? Cause I can't cook anything.”

“Do you have a waffle iron?” Loki wiggles his hips teasingly against Steve's.

“Yes. But don't do _that_ or I won't be able to help you.”

Loki grins and bites his lips. “I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not. Come on.”

Loki gets up and pulls on his jeans before turning back to Steve and offering a hand. Steve does indeed have a slight tenting of morning wood, but Loki politely looks away as he finds a teeshirt and some sweats.

“No shirt?” Steve eyes the nude torso. Not that he really minds, but what will the others think?

A shrug. “If anyone complains I'll say you tore it off in a fit of passion and it is no longer suitable for wear.” Loki grins.

A large cough rumbles out of Steve and he presses it into his elbow. He clears his throat and then looks up. “Sorry. It gets bad this time of year.”

“You were coughing a lot last night, too, do you need your inhaler?”

“I'm ok.” Steve smiles and takes Loki's hand. “Waffles.”

“Right.”

They head into the kitchen and Steve helps Loki find everything he needs. They mix up a batter and Loki heats the iron to the right temperature. Steve lets him do all the cooking, remembering the one lesson he took from high school: don't ever attempt to cook anything that isn't frozen ever.

But Loki turns out waffles that are beautiful and fluffy and golden and the smell of them soon wakes the household, and draws them to the kitchen.

“Sorry Tash, he's my new favourite now.” Clint states as he wanders past to find the syrup from the fridge.

“Is it the lack of shirt or the waffles?” Natasha pulls out plates and cutlery.

“Yes.” Clint signs, before repeating himself out loud for Loki’s benefit.

Steve pouts and wraps his arms around Loki as much as he can without interrupting the waffle making. “This is mine.”

Loki laughs and turns out the last waffle onto the platter. “It's okay, Steve. You don't have to claim me.” He shuffles to the table with Steve still firmly attached and puts the platter down.

Everyone digs in.

“Ok, seriously can we keep him?” Bucky speaks around a mouthful of waffle.

“Yes.” Clint agrees. “Marry me, Loki.”

Loki is laughing again. “I've no plans on marrying anyone at this point.”

Steve sighs in mild relief, but starts coughing again.

“Stevie? You okay? You choking?” Natasha is next to him instantly, reassuring.

He covers his mouth with his arm and coughs some more before shaking his head with watering eyes. “Just my usual winter cough. Feels rough this year, though.”

She rubs his back soothingly. “Have some coffee, that helps.”

Steve nods and gets up to make some. “Anyone else?”

“Let me make it, you sit down.” Bucky jumps up and gently pushes Steve back into his seat. “I'll make a whole pot.”

“Thank you.” Loki takes Steve's hand and gives him a small smile.

Steve squeezes Loki's hand back to reassure him. Just because his cough is a little drier than usual, it's surely nothing to get too worried over.

Who can worry over waffles?


	9. Bloody Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve ends up in the hospital, Loki has a bad night.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: SELF-HARM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a section from a personal diary for this one and modified it slightly. 
> 
> Oh! We need suggestions for CHARADES topics for an upcoming chapter. Please gives us a shout with ideas here or in one of our tumblrs. TA!

> It is as easy as lying. Govern these ventages with our fingers and thumb, give it breath with your mouth, and it will discourse most eloquent music. Look you, these are the stops.

― William Shakespeare, _Hamlet_

 

### 

 

The cough has gotten significantly worse. It had started with a bit of phlegm, but now he is frequently coughing up blood with his spittle. It's after a particularly bad bout of coughing where Steve ends up with a mouthful of blood that Bucky convinces him that maybe a visit to the emergency room is best.

After several tests and an X-ray, it is decided that Steve has bronchitis. Due to his pre-existing respiratory troubles, it is recommended that he stay in the hospital at least until the most severe symptoms clear up. He is not impressed.

“Hey, at least it's just bronchitis! I thought for sure it was going to be tuberculosis.” Bucky tries to cheer his friend up.

“I'm not in an opera, Buck. Tuberculosis isn't a thing this century.” Steve coughs again.

Clint and Natasha walk in, Loki close behind them.

Natasha raises an eyebrow. “What's this about needing arias?”

“Why are operas about tuberculosis?” Clint is rather confused, he makes the sign for 'why' with a frown on his face. He never did understand opera.

Loki circles the bed and climbs up to sit next to Steve. “How're you doing?” He brushes blonde bangs away from the warm forehead.

“I've been better.” Steve shrugs but smiles at his friends. “You don't have to be here. I'm in and out of this place all the time. Hell--” He interrupts himself with a coughing fit and Loki offers him his water. “Hell, the nurses all know me.”

“You shut up and rest, or we won't bring you any non-hospital food.”

“I'm not scared, none of you can cook.”

“Hey.” Loki makes a face.

“Okay, you can.”

'And me!' Clint signs.

“Fair enough. But those two are the ones who will actually try to do it.” Steve gives a look to Bucky and Natasha. “I don’t want to see any fights over soup this time.”

 

### 

 

Bucky stops by the next afternoon when he’s done class with a tupperware full of something suspiciously jiggly and green. "No, noooo!" Steve cries in mock horror as the lime jello is triumphantly revealed.

"And there's more where that came from if you don't get better on the double, punk." Bucky promises, sitting on the edge of the bed and loading up a quivering spoonful of the stuff. "Now open up."

Steve crosses his fingers into a sign against evil a dramatically turns away. “I thought I told you that wasn’t funny anymore last time.”

“Oh, this will always be funny.” But Bucky relents and puts away the jello. Instead, he pulls a McDonald’s bag out of his backpack and offers it to his friend.

The new food is gratefully accepted by Steve who starts inhaling fries immediately. Bucky scoots onto the bed next to him and steals a few. “So, how are you doing?”

“I’ve been better.” Steve shrugs. “Why?”

Bucky elbows Steve. “I don’t mean the coughing.”

“Of course you don’t.” A short coughing spell takes over and Steve has to stop until he has his breath again. “Health aside, I’m really happy, Buck. Really. It’s always been you, me, and Tash against the world but now we’re not alone anymore. Our family is growing and it’s amazing. I feel lucky, blessed.”

“Good. Now get better, punk.” Bucky hops off the bed to leave.

“Only if you take that horrid green stuff with you. Jerk.”

 

### 

 

Loki takes a slow, shaky breath. He opens his shut eyes to watch the blade as it follows it’s path across his skin in one quick stroke. Blood pearls up behind it and forms a red line before it begins to drip.

He just watches for a while, lets it ache. He wants so badly for the physical pain to take away the heaviness of the emotions that have been pulling at him. This first red stripe, that’s guilt. Guilt for not being the son his father wants. Loki holds his breath before adding two more beside it. Those are for Steve. Steve, who he failed to protect, who is trapped in the hospital until his lungs repair themselves.

The pain continues, a line of blood being added for every imaginary sin Loki has been carrying around in his head. He doesn’t stop until there’s over a dozen thing bleeding stripes on each of his thighs. Loki is shaking with emotion, with pain, but he forces himself to put his blade down. He takes a cloth and begins cleaning the cuts, stopping what blood he can. Then he covers them carefully and bandages them.

Finally, he takes alcohol and sanitizes his knife before putting everything away carefully into it’s special kit and hiding it once more. He cleans the bathroom thoroughly so Sam won’t see any mess.

The trousers he puts on rub against his bandages, and he’s certain he can still feel a few of the wounds bleeding. But it’s a good feeling. It’s the feeling of being alive, of resisting the urges he knows are worse.

He swallows the urge to vomit.

Loki sits on his bed, knees tucked under his chin and arms curled around his legs. He tries not to think, tries not to focus on all the names his subconscious is calling him.

_Failure. Coward. Pathetic. Loser. Sick. Weak. Useless. A Waste. Stupid. Horrible. Monster._

Monster. That’s exactly what he is. Loki cries silently. He prays Steve will be alright. He prays that he himself will be alright, though Loki suspects it’s far too late for that.


	10. Marshmallow Season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The school year continues and we start to head into the holidays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Then there's that moment where you co-author goes "oops, the mall kinda ended up not how I planned." aka I force science_weasels to take a heavier hand in this chapter cause I was stuck. See how she's awesome? Completely. Enjoy your Christmas in July.

> How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable,  
> Seem to me all the uses of this world!  
> Fie on't! ah fie! 'tis an unweeded garden,  
> That grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature  
> Possess it merely. That it should come to this!

― William Shakespeare, _Hamlet_

 

###

 

Life goes on. Steve is finally released from hospital with new medications to help prevent future bronchitis flare ups. He catches up with homework, he spends time with his friends.

He doesn’t get any more chances to sketch Loki nude, though. Every time he asks, Loki defers, always having some good reason. In fact, Loki nude seems to be right off the menu; not that Steve minds when they’re still talking and still kissing and still normal otherwise but he worries at the sudden change and is unsure how to address it.

Loki seems quieter, more withdrawn around everyone else. Steve has suspicions but doesn’t know for sure, can’t seem to get the right questions answered.

“Are you ok?” He asks one day as they sit together on his bed, working on homework.

“Fine.”

Steve knows what that one means. “Step away from the river, Ophelia.” He puts his hand under Loki’s chin and lifts it so their eyes meet. “How can I help?”

Loki sighs, shutting his eyes and leaning against Steve. “I don’t know. I’m drowning and I don’t want to pull you under with me.”

“I love you, you know that? No matter what. If we drown, so be it, I just want to stay with you.”

They embrace tightly and there are tears in Loki’s eyes.

 

###

 

Natasha never understood the draw of going to the mall. So many people in such an enclosed space! The holiday season was undoubtedly the worst. Frantic shoppers barrelling along with no concern for personal space, barely supervised children careening around on a sugar high, christmas carols cranked up to eleven- each store blaring a different song. American excess at its finest. She was miserable. 

And then there was Clint. She keeps a firm grip on his hand as he pulls her through the crowd, darting from kiosk to kiosk, and entranced by the window displays. “Look Natasha, LEGO!” he signs, grinning widely. They’ve long since given up trying to shout at each other over the mall’s noise. 

“Yaaay.” Natasha signs back sarcastically, and pulls Clint towards Spencer’s. “Let’s get Bucky that t-shirt he’s been wanting and go please.”

Clint squeezes her hand. “Okay.” They force their way across the mass of people, and Natasha is reminded of nature documentaries showing salmon trying to swim upstream. She signs as much to him, and he laughs. They’re almost to their destination when Natasha hears it. 

“God, who let the retards out in public?” Natasha turns to see a tall athletic looking college student tap his friend and point at Clint.

“I know right? Fucking deafies.” the second guy agrees, waving his hands around in mock-sign. Natasha clenches her jaw and releases Clint’s hand, marching over to the two assholes. 

“I’m sorry, do you have a problem with my boyfriend and I?” She asks sweetly, cracking her knuckles. 

The two eye her in surprise. The shorter guy elbows his friend. “Listen to her, she’s foreign. Maybe you should just go back to where you came from, bitch.”

Clint realizes he’s lost Natasha and turns around to locate her just in time to see her sweep the legs out from under some random tall dude. He goes down as Natasha launches herself at a second person who appears to be swearing profusely.

“Oh hell.” Clint mutters as he pushes his way towards the fight. He gets there just in time to prevent Natasha from delivering a punch that he know from experience would break the fallen boy’s nose. 

“Easy there, Red.” Clint tells her as he catches her arm, twining his fingers into her fist and forcing her to relax. “It’s okay.” The guy on the ground writhes. “Owwww, I think that whore broke my ankle!” Clint steps on the bully’s hand, twisting his heel into the jerk’s palm. “What’s that? Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t hear you.” Clint smirks down before stepping away and pulling Natasha with him.

“I hate people.” Natasha says, reluctantly turning away from her targets. Clint puts an arm around her shoulder, and turns to find himself face to face with an upset looking security guard. “I think you two better come with me.”

After being kicked out of the mall, Clint and Natasha blow off the rest of their Christmas shopping list and head home for hot chocolate. 

 

###

 

Bucky stands on his tiptoes on a kitchen chair as he attempts to hang a strand of garland over their front door. Steve stands further back, peeking through the fingers he has covering his eyes and rather certain that Bucky is going to fall. “I don’t see why you’re so gung-ho on decorating.”

“Because we are going to have a party.” Bucky finally gets the garland to stay and hops down. “Invite your boytoy and his roommate and Thor. We’ll get Nat to bring Clint. We’ll play games and get drunk and just have fun.”

“Loki’s not a toy.”

“You know what I mean. Help me with this.” More of the garland is piled high in Steve’s arms and he follows Bucky around the room as Bucky drapes it over practically everything. “Oh! And we can all wear ugly sweaters. How fun would that be? I bet Tash has something great hidden away.”

Steve grins. “You just want to make sure you’re not the worst dressed for a change.”

“A guy can dream.”

“Does that mean we’re going to get a tree? We don’t have anywhere to put it!”

“We could just get one of those mini ones and put it on the end table. And we can do a gift exchange! It’ll be great, Steve, you’ll see.” Bucky is practically reverberating with his excitement.

They both look up as the front door opens to allow Clint and Natasha in. Steve looks at his watch and then back at both of them. “You’re back early, aren’t you?”

“Shut up.” Natasha replies. “And help me find the marshmallows.”


	11. Family Holiday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a holiday party with games and fun and snogging. And then there's more snogging.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second half is smut, for those who might be seeking a smut-free experience. First half is inspired by the hilarious video of Mackie doing superhero charades and holy crap the sound effects. And then Nori just made it Clintasha-centric as she do. Love her.
> 
> Also, bobalky is "[Russian Christmas bread balls](http://www.myerchin.org/RCPBobalkyAncientXmasFood.html)" (that's Nori's exact words.)

> Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,  
>  Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;  
>  But do not dull thy palm with entertainment  
>  Of each new-hatch'd, unfledg'd comrade.

― William Shakespeare, _Hamlet_

 

### 

 

“Wheeeee!”

“Sam.” Natasha says seriously (or about as seriously as one can while dressed in a red and green plaid sweater and wearing a pair of reindeer antlers) and shakes her finger. “There are **no** sound effects in charades.”

Sam crosses his arms over his poinsettia adorned sweater vest in mock offense. “Well fine, but that means you and Clint need to stop signing each other hints.”

“I admit nothing!” Clint says, sticking his tongue out. His sweater has a pair of humping reindeer on it. 

Thor leans over to Loki with a concerned look on his face. “I do not understand this game.” He whispers. He is too large for the kitchen chair he’s sitting in, and he feels incredibly out of place. In absence of an ugly sweater, he has opted to braid strands of tinsel through his hair. 

“That’s because they’re all playing it wrong.” Steve explains from Loki’s other side. His sweater is blue and covered in giant snowflakes. It looks like he has stolen it from a grandmother’s closet. “You’re supposed to get people to guess what your word is, without using words, sound effects or signs.”

Thor remains puzzled but smiles at Steve anyway. “I thank you, Steve.” Across the room, Bucky insults Natasha’s _bobalky_. Natasha hands her beer to Clint and tackles Bucky with a growl. 

“Are they always this violent?” Sam asks Clint, stepping gingerly over the wrestlers. 

“Nah. They’re being good for company.” Clint replies, taking a swig of Natasha’s beer. 

“I saw that!” Natasha yells from the floor. She rolls to her feet and readjusts her antlers with as much dignity as she can muster. “Okay Loki, your turn.” She holds out the bowl of folded paper strips. 

Loki reaches into the bowl and picks out a slip of paper, giving it a quick glance to make sure he had the correct word. “I feel stupid.” He says quietly to Steve.

Steve gives him a reassuring shoulder squeeze. “Bucky’s left arm is currently sporting red and green Christmas stripes, your brother has tinsel in his hair, and Natasha is wearing _antlers_.” He smiles up. “You’re in no danger here.”

Taking a deep breath, Loki adjusts his sweater (it has kittens on it) and awkwardly sticks his hands out at his sides like flippers and tilts back and forth. Remembering the warning given to Sam, he does not quack. 

“Penguin!” Clint says immediately, still playing keep away with Natasha’s beer. “And hey, I thought we said no ASL.”

“No being mean to Stevie’s Loki!” Natasha says as she latches onto Clint’s waist and finally manages to reclaim her beer. Finding it empty, she scowls and heads into the kitchen for another beverage. “Your ass is mine, Barton.” She threatens with a bottle opener before rummaging around in the fridge.

“Promise?” Clint replies, sneaking up behind her to steal a kiss. Forgotten in the lovingly violent scuffle that ensues, Loki makes his way back to where Steve is sitting. Thor has wandered off to talk to Sam, and both seem oblivious to the fact that they are standing under mistletoe. 

“Ahem.” Bucky clears his throat loudly, glaring at Clint and Natasha until they quiet down. “As the master of the festivities, is my solemn duty to point out that some of our guests are standing under the mistletoe.” All eyes zero in on Sam and Thor. “The true spirit of Christmas demands its sacrifice.”

Silence.

“So snog already!” Bucky demands, clapping his hands. “Or be responsible for ruining Christmas.” Thor and Sam eye each other. Bucky clears his throat. 

“The guys in ROTC **cannot** know.” Sam says. Thor nods, appears to take a deep breath and kisses Sam full on the mouth. There is another silence in the room

Eventually, Bucky clears his throat again. “Hey Thor? For future reference, a peck on the cheek works too.”

 

### 

 

In the confusion of all the kissing, Loki steals Steve away to his bedroom, locking the door behind them. They've hardly gotten the door closed before Loki's lips are locked onto Steve's, and he pushes the small blonde against the door in his passion.

As the kiss ends, Steve looks up into Loki's eyes with a smile. "Hey."

"Hey, yourself."

"You doing okay?" Steve's hands smooth over Loki's back until one slips underneath the sweater.

"I just wanted you to myself, if that's alright?" Loki tugs Steve closer.

"Always." They share another heated kiss.

“Steve.” Loki sighs as his sweater is tugged off. And quickly he’s helping Steve out of his, too, pushing him back toward the bed.

As soon as Steve is on the bed, Loki is at the buckle of his jeans and pulling them down, boxers also off in short order. He kneels before his seated lover, between the spread legs, and presses kisses along the thighs before him.

Steve strokes Loki’s hair, he feels his cock hardening from simple anticipation of Loki’s actions. And Loki certainly doesn’t let him down. That mouth moves from it’s attention to Steve’s thighs to trail nips and kisses along his hip before encompassing Steve’s length. Steve gasps and Loki hums, the vibrations going straight to Steve’s pelvis.

Loki pulls back until he has only the head in his mouth and slips his tongue over the slit while his hand comes up to caress the rest of Steve’s length. He sucks playfully before pulling away. Rough kisses are pressed to the side of the cock mixed with small nips. Finally he takes the cock back into his mouth and his hand moves down to squeeze Steve’s balls.

Steve gasps loudly, his hips pushing up towards Loki, wanting more. “Loki. Oh God, please.” Loki sucks roughly, his head bobbing up and down as he strokes Steve’s flesh with his tongue and lips. Steve’s fingers tighten in Loki’s hair and he has to fight himself not to simply thrust up into that hot mouth. Eventually, he gives up and does just that, but Loki moves with him, pleasuring him with as much of his mouth as he can handle.

“Loki!” Steve cries out as his body find release and he shudders from the force of it. Loki swallows everything and looks up to Steve while licking his lips.

After a moment, Loki rises and pushes Steve back onto the bed and straddles his thigh as he lies on top of him. “Was that alright?”

“Alright? That was… wow.” Steve smiles and shifts his hands to start removing Loki’s trousers.

“I- Steve!” Loki seems almost to panic when his trousers start to come off, causing Steve to pause and roll them over so he’s on top.

“What? It’s not the sex, and you’ve been nude in front of me. What is it?” Steve forces it, removes the trousers and that’s when he sees it - the bandages on Loki’s legs. Loki looks away, but Steve forces him to meet his eyes. “Hey. Stop it. Do you think I love you any less? Loki. Hey.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t stop. I tried, I can’t.” Loki’s started crying quietly. 

Steve hugs him tight, then gets an idea and shifts down to begin kissing Loki’s thighs through the bandaging. “You’re beautiful, still my Ophelia. Don’t hide from me. I love all of you, that includes the broken parts.”

Loki sighs then pulls Steve up for another hug. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” The hug is returned tightly.


	12. Janvier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky meets a new friend. Steve worries too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, Ms. Marvel! She's only here for a little while, I'm afraid, so enjoy her. Also - any other cameos requested? We do have plans for several of the Guardians of the Galaxy.

> Where love is great, the littlest doubts are fear; Where little fears grow great, great love grows there.

― William Shakespeare, _Hamlet_

 

###

 

“Tash?”

“Yeah?” Natasha looks up from her book to see Steve standing awkwardly at her door.

“Umn, can I come in?”

She raises an eyebrow. Steve is only this polite when something’s wrong. “Of course.” She moves to sit on her bed and gestures next to her for him to sit.

Instead, he sits on her lap sideways and puts his arms around her shoulders.. “Nat, I have a problem.”

“Stevie, you have so many problems. Which one is bothering you?”

“Its. Well. Uh. You and Clint, do you, that is, are-” He takes a deep breath, having gone beet red. “You’re intimate, right?”

Natasha’s curious where this is going. She gives Steve a look. “We’ve been together over a year.”

”You and Clint, do you....when you stay over there and vice versa...you...” 

“Fuck?” Natasha asks. “Yes, Stevie. Why?”

“I. Just. How can you tell if things are okay?”

“Excuse me?”

“How can you tell if things are going okay?

“Oh, Stevie there’s only two people who know that answer. You and him.” She strokes his hair. “What brought this on?”

“It’s Loki. He’s been so. I dont know. He doesn’t seem to want me that way, lately. I’m worried he might want to leave. I don’t know what I did! Help me fix it!?”

“We're not fifteen anymore, _myshka_. I can't punch your problems away.” Natasha tilts her head. “Have you tried talking to him?”

“What do I say? Hey sweetie, why don’t we _fuck_?” Steve’s retort is sarcastic in a poor attempt hide his frustration at the whole situation.

Natasha can’t help but chuckle. “That might work. You know him best, you need to talk, that’s all I know.”

“‘Kay.” Steve sighs. “You sure you can’t just punch this away?”

“Yes, Stevie. Go talk to him.”

 

###

 

Math. Not exactly Bucky’s favourite subject. Still, it is a necessary evil and he puts up with it. He’s just pulling his books out as someone sits in the next desk. He looks up to see a very pretty someone. Blonde hair, blue eyes, kind of like a female Steve. Bucky ponders for a moment how he’d have been set for life if Steve had been female instead, but quickly sets it aside to smile at his neighbour.

“Hi there. I’m James Barnes, but my friends call me Bucky. You can too.” He offers a smile and his hand.

The girl raises an eyebrow but shakes his hand. “Hullo, Bucky. I’m Carol Danvers. Might I ask where the nickname comes from?”

“My middle name, Buchanan.” He grins. “I know, it’s kind of old fashioned.”

“No, it’s cool.” 

“You excited for math?”

“Oh yeah, love numbers.”

Bucky can’t tell if she’s being sarcastic or not. “Really?”

“Sure. Numbers are uncomplicated. Either right or wrong, no in betweens.”

“Huh. I never thought of it that way.”

“Now you have.” She grins.

Bucky laughs. “Suddenly I feel like I’m going to like math this semester.”

 

## 

 

“Draguer? Really? Flirting?” Steve chuckles as he looks over Loki’s french lesson.

Loki shrugs. “Our teacher is trying to be relevant. Help me with this.”

“Okay, so Draguer, il te drague. He is flirting with you. It’s a little derogatory though.”

“Draguer.” Loki plays with the word. “What would you rather say?”

“Mmn. Maybe faire du charme?”

“Comment dit-on?”

“Good! Oh, that means to charm or seduce. Like you did to me.”

“I’m pretty sure you seduced me, Steve.” Loki smirks and gives Steve a quick kiss.

“Non, vous me faites du charme.”

Loki gives Steve another kiss. “No fair turning this into a french lesson.”

“I thought it _was_ a french lesson?”

“I thought you were picking me up for a date?”

“French first. What’s next?”

“Sortir ensemble?”

“Ah. On sort ensemble, we are dating. Tu es mon petit ami.”

“My boyfriend.” Loki pokes Steve in the chest. “Mon petit ami.”

“You can also say mon copain.”

Loki nods. “C’est mon copain, Steve.”

“Oui.” Steve gives Loki a quick kiss. “Je t’aime?”

“Why the question? You know I love you.” Loki leans forward to steal another kiss. “Doubt not, my Hamlet.”

Steve sighs and rests his forehead against Loki’s. “I’m sorry. I just get scared sometimes. I mean, we haven’t really… you know, since our first time and I-”

“What?! Love!” Loki cuts Steve off. “No, no, no! Don’t think that. Do. Not. You’re wonderful. You are perfect. _I’m_ the problem, the monster. I can’t dirty you.”

“Loki.”

“Do you forget?” Loki takes Steve’s hand and presses it to the scar on his wrist. “I am broken, diseased.”

“You are human.” Steve brings the wrist lovingly to his cheek. “And I love you no matter what. You are my Ophelia, but I won’t let you drown.”

“Steve.” A tear escapes from Loki’s eye.

Steve smiles. “Hey, I’ve got you.”

They kiss, a gentle exploration. Loki pulls back with a sigh. “I’m sorry. I’m a fool.”

“You’re my fool. Stop being so hard on yourself. I know you’re fighting, please don’t lock me out. I want to help.”

“You can’t. _I_ can’t. Steve, I’m hideous. You deserve so much better.”

“I don’t care what I _deserve_. I _want_ you. My Loki, my Ophelia, my muse. I’ve never drawn anything so much as I draw you. You. Are. Beautiful.” Steve pulls Loki against him in a tight embrace. “I don’t care if we never have sex again, but you have to talk to me, trust me. Please trust me.”

“I- I do.” Loki squeezes Steve tightly. “I do trust you. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Steve kisses Loki’s hair. “Je t’aime. Mon chéri, j'irai au bout du monde pour toi.”

Loki ducks his head. “How does someone as sweet as you even exist? Much less love me?”

“God knew what you needed.” Another kiss to Loki’s hair. “And I’m not letting you go without a fight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Je t’aime. Ma chere, j'irai qu'au bout du monde pour toi.” translates to "I love you. My dear, I'd go to the end of the world for you." The rest of the french should be obvious by context of the conversation.


	13. Ringing in Our Ears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki receives some bad news and Steve supports him through it.

> Do not, as some ungracious pastors do,  
>  Show me the steep and thorny way to heaven;  
>  Whilst, like a puff'd and reckless libertine,  
>  Himself the primrose path of dalliance treads  
>  And recks not his own read.

― William Shakespeare, _Hamlet_

 

###

 

“Loki, I think that’s your phone.”

“No, it’s not.” Loki snuggles closer to Steve, not wanting to admit to morning or his phone ringing.

Steve pushes lightly. “I really think it is.”

“It’s-”

Bucky cuts them off from the other end of the room. “One of you get that or neither of you are allowed to sleep here anymore.”

Loki grumbles but slides out of bed in his boxers to grab the disruptive device. “Hullo? Thor? What do you want? Do you know what ti- oh.”

He’s silent for a while, with only a few murmured “yes”es and “I see”s. As the call ends he drops the phone to the floor and stares at it for a while.

“Loki?” Steve sits up in the bed, holding his arms out. “Hey, come here. What was it?”

Loki looks at Steve with tears in his eyes. “My mother is dead.”

 

###

 

Throughout the day Loki is quiet, separate. It’s hard to get him interested in anything. Harder yet to keep his attention once caught. Steve tries everything. His favourite coffee is only sipped once. His favourite show not even glanced at. Even kisses and caresses can only distract Loki for a moment or two and Steve finds himself lost as to what else he can try.

It’s not until Steve is coerced by Bucky into getting take-out from Loki’s favourite restaurant that Natasha takes him aside, pulling him roughly by the elbow.

“Loki. Sit.” She gestures at the sofa in a manner that brooks no argument. Once seated, she sits close to him and places a hand on his shoulder. “Look. I’m not going to lie and say that it gets easier. You’re going to miss her every day for the rest of your life.” Her voice softens uncharacteristically. 

“The best thing you can do for her now is to try and live a life she’d be proud of.” She squeezes his shoulder, and avoids his gaze. “And that means letting people in. Steve loves you, don’t push him away. He knows what you’re going through, better than most.”  
“I--” She stands abruptly. “C’mon, I’ll get you a beer.” On her way into the kitchen she turns around again. She wipes at her eye, but not before Loki can see the tears. “You don’t have to do this alone.”

“I-” He nods, deciding to say nothing. 

Their touching moment is unfortunately ruined as Steve and Bucky return with food.

“Miss us?” Bucky grins boyishly as he plops a bag of food on a coffee table in front of Loki. He notices Natasha in the kitchen. “Wench! Get us beers!”

Natasha rolls her eyes. “Call me that again and I'll rip off your other arm and beat you with it.” She grabs beers for everyone except Bucky, handing the bottles over as she rejoins them and sits on the couch next to Steve.

“I hate you.” Bucky teases and nudges her.

“I’ll get over it.” She sips her beer and starts taking food out of bags.

“Stop it.” Steve laughs as he grabs some plates for them all.

Loki manages a small smile and gives Steve a tight hug when he sits down again. “I’m sorry. Thank you.”

“You stop it, too.” Steve lifts Loki’s chin. “Eat something and just don’t worry about anything else. I know what it’s like. We’ll get you through this. Promise.”

 

###

 

Steve accompanies Loki to the funeral. He wants to hold his boyfriend’s hand and has to pull back when he starts to reach for it a few times. Loki had asked that he refrained because of his father. The more Steve hears about this father, the less he like him but he respects Loki and consequently his family. 

The funeral home is beautiful, absolutely filled with flowers. Steve had always known Loki was from a family of some status, but it truly amazes him. As he sits on the bench next to Loki, Thor, and their father, and Sam, Steve can’t help but feel out of place. Even Sam and Thor in their uniforms seem more a part of this world than he feels. He looks at Loki often and brushes his fingers across the back of his hand to remind him he’s there. Loki smiles at that.

The ceremony is lengthy and touching. Even Steve is tearing up at one point. When Loki starts sobbing, he puts his arm around his shoulders. Loki leans against him appreciatively as he soaks another tissue. By the end of the ceremony, he has an entire pocket of soiled ones. As they head out, Steve stays close but not quite touching. Loki appreciates it and gives Steve a look that says so.

Just before they leave, Loki presents Steve to his father. “Father, this is Steven. He is my close friend.”

“Steven.” Odin offers his hand.

Steve reaches to shake it. “A pleasure to meet you, sir. I’m deeply sorry for your loss.”

Odin nods. “Thank you, son. It will be difficult, but we will find our way.”

“Yes, sir.” He smiles shyly and gives Loki a quick look. Loki takes the hint and puts a hand on his elbow to lead him away when Odin stops them.

“Will you boys spend the night at the house? Or at least stay for supper?”

Loki shuts his eyes then takes a breath and puts on a friendly smile as he turns back to his father. “We can stay for supper.”

Steve can’t help but wonder if it’ll be a good idea.


	14. Family Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of the funeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Odin's not a dick, he's just a little too old fashioned.

> And will 'a not come again?  
> And will 'a not come again?  
> No, no, he is dead,  
> Go to thy death bed:  
> He will never come again.

― William Shakespeare, _Hamlet_

 

###

 

Dinner is almost silent, except for the occasional request for something to be passed. Steve can feel tension thrumming like a heartbeat beneath the skin of the room. Loki sits to his one side, sullen and barely eating, and Sam and Thor sit across from them chewing politely.

It isn’t until the meal is nearly finished that Odin finally breaks the silence. "It's just a pity Sif and Sigyn could not join us."

"Probably for the best."

"She is your fiance, she should be here." Steve and Sam exchange a confused look. 

Loki drops his fork onto his plate with a loud clatter. "Father. I've told you already I will not marry her."

"What?"

Thor knows exactly where this is going. "I believe I shall begin the dishes. Steve, Sam, join me." He indicates with a gesture that this is a very good idea.

"Right." The three barely make it to the kitchen before the shouting starts.

"That marriage has been arranged for years. You will see to your duty."

"I will see to nothing. Thor may be complacent to be sold like cattle but I will not!"

"You are my son, and you will behave like it!"

"I am not! And I will not if it means having no free will!"

"I raised you as my own, I loved you as my own! I want only what's best for you! Give me one good reasons why you should not marry Sigyn?!"

"I could give you a thousand, but here is one; I'm gay! I have no interest in ever bedding a female. I would sooner shoot myself!"

"Don't be ridiculous, child. I didn't raise you that way."

"It's not exactly something I chose! Do you think I like disappointing you with my very existence?"

"Loki, you don't-"

Loki interrupts his father. "No, father. _You_ don’t. This is who I am. I am gay. I even have a boyfriend. _If_ I had to choose to marry anyone, it would be him. But for now let me focus on school and getting better as best I can, since you won't let me see a fucking doctor.”

“Son-”

“NO!” Loki’s face is red from the force of his anger. “I will not sit here and let you tell me what to do. I am going back to my friends who actually care about me and not what I can do for them!”

Loki storms out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

Sam, Thor, and Steve exchange a look within the kitchen.

 

### 

 

Steve is torn, but in the end decides to give Loki some space to cool down before catching up with him, and ends up actually helping with the dishes. He uses the time to ask Thor questions he knows Loki will avoid. Sam, however, does head home just in case.

“He never mentioned being engaged.”

“Loki has never been a willing participant in that arrangement.” Thor’s voice is oddly soft as he washes a plate. “Now father understands a bit better why. I hope.”

Steve nods. “I hope so.” He sighs.

“It is not the best time for it to come out, but I’m glad it did.” Thor sets a cup down. “Loki needed to say it.”

“I’m here for him, no matter what happens. Okay?” Steve puts a hand on Thor’s shoulder. “I mean it. You too, Thor. You’re not alone.”

“My thanks. Just with what happened to mother…” Thor shakes his head.

“I hate to ask.” Steve shuts his eyes. “Loki never said. What happened?”

The taller blonde takes a deep breath. “There was a robbery. She was home alone and-”

“Stop, stop.” Steve interrupts him. “I understand. I’m so sorry. So, so sorry.”

Two pairs of sad blue eyes meet and they share a hug.

 

### 

 

Loki ends up at Steve’s house, where Bucky lets him in without question and he makes his way to Steve’s bed and curls himself up in a ball. Bucky peeks in on him, sends Steve a text, then lets him be.

Once Steve gets home, he starts off by giving Bucky a tight hug as he whispers. “Thank you. You’re the best best friend a guy could get.”

“Yeah, yeah, I adore you too.”

Steve gives Bucky an extra squeeze and heads to his room to check on Loki.

“Loki?” Steve wanders over and sits next to Loki on the bed, stroking his hair. “Hey, come on, Lo. Let me in.”

“Steve!” Loki gasps out the name and puts his head in Steve’s lap, sobbing quietly.

Steve keeps stroking his hair. “Shh. I’m here. I love you. I love you so much, my Ophelia. My beautiful muse. ‘Too much of water hast thou, poor Ophelia, And therefore I forbid my tears.’” Steve leans down and kisses Loki’s temple.

Loki sniffles loudly, shifting so he can look up at Steve. “More Shakespeare, Hamlet?”

“Just for you.” Steve leans in to place a loving kiss on Loki’s lips. “Will you be alright?”

“I will be better than alright, I have you. Just give me a little time to get there.”

“I’m sure Bucky won’t complain too loudly if you stay over again.”

“I don’t ever want to leave. Your arms are the safest place in the world.” Loki tugs Steve closer.

Steve smiles and nuzzles Loki’s neck. “If I weren’t sharing this room, I’d ask you to move in.”

“If you weren’t sharing, I would have already.” Loki’s fingers trace the curves of Steve’s lips. “You are as essential to me as air.”


	15. Thick Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the school year starts to wind down, plans begin for next year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter or so. Then we'll actually work on filling in the missing years before we continue forward. I know, but it'll help with some of the inside jokes and such. AND THERE WILL BE A PETER QUILL AND A TONY STARK.

> If it be now, ’tis not to come. If it be not to come, it will be now. If it be not now, yet it will come—the readiness is all.

― William Shakespeare, _Hamlet_

 

###

 

Newspapers litter the living room, occasional ads circled in either red or green marker as Loki and Steve search through the local classifieds for house listings.

“Why don’t you two just go online?” Natasha questions as she wanders past, dressed in a tank top and a pair of Clint’s boxers to get a soda. 

“Because online house listings are surprisingly useless.” Steve circles another ad.

Loki looks up as Clint also enters the room, wrapped in Natasha’s robe. “Oh good, I guess you’re done then. Maybe we can get some work done.”

Natasha flicks her bottlecap at Loki. “I’m not going to confirm or deny that with Stevie in the room.”

Steve blushes.

“He’s not deaf. Is that why you’re so loud? So Clint can hear you?” 

Natasha scowls, but Clint interrupts with a grin. “I don’t keep my hearing aids in anymore. They kept getting jostled. We’re very energetic.” His face is momentarily troubled. “Am _I_ really that loud?”

Natasha, Steve and Loki all nod in the affirmative while Bucky yells “YES!” from down the hall (Which Natasha signs back for Clint’s benefit). Clint is momentarily crestfallen. 

“It can be a little distracting” Steve points out meekly.

“Then buy a pair of headphones. Or find a house with thicker walls.” Natasha says, handing Clint her soda to cheer him up. 

Loki shakes his head. “Then I won’t be able to hear Steve. We’ll have to find a bigger house. So you can be on the opposite end.”

Clint looks down at the soda in his hand. “Is your solution always to give or throw things at people?” 

Steve looks up. “Sometimes she hits things.”

“Or breaks them.” Loki shrugs and turns a page.

“You’re violent!” Clint accuses, pointing a finger dramatically. 

Natasha considers a moment, then shrugs. “You weren’t complaining earlier.”

Steve stares between the two with wide eyes. “I don’t want to know.”

“Why, don’t you want some ideas, darling?” Loki grins mischievously.

Steve’s eyes get even wider. 

“Well, we like to start out with-” Clint begins, but Natasha punches him. 

“You’re not going to finish that sentence if you ever want sex again.” She warns him. “If you make Stevie’s eyes pop out of his head I will never ever forgive you.”

“Nor will I.” Loki looks over to Steve. “I like those eyes as they are.”

Steve is blushing again.

“So beautiful.” Loki leans over and give Steve a kiss on the cheek.

 

###

 

“Hullo, hi, Thor? No, you know who it is. Come on, how many brothers do you have?”

“Mmhmmn. Yes.”

“No, I’m not going to. No, not ever.”

“I don’t care what father says. It’s not happening.”

“Thor. No. Thor, I didn’t call about that. No.”

“Are you actually listening to me? Good. We’re looking at houses for next year.”

“Yes, me, Sam, Steve, Bucky, Natasha, Clint… and you. Do you want to live with us?”

“Yes, I’m really asking you. You may drive me up the wall, but you are still my brother.”

“Well of course I am! He is my boyfriend.”

“Yes, brother, I know…”

“Thor, I know how to use a condom.”

“Do not start.”

“Yes, Thor. I do. Really.”

“Good. I’m glad.”

“Thank you, Thor. I love you, too.”

Loki can’t help but smile as he hangs up his phone. Things may not be perfect, but at least those he loves will be closer to him. He leaves the bedroom to head back to Steve and let him know that, yes, they are going to want a 5 bedroom rental.

 

### 

 

“That was unusual.” Thor puts his phone away and picks up his beer again.

“Loki?” Sam looks over his own bottle.

Thor nods and takes a drink.

“I take it he talked you into the house, then, too?”

“Aye.” Thor looks at his friend. “Do you think it a good plan?”

“Nah, man. I think it’s great!” Sam grins. “Provided Bucky doesn’t make another curry and gas us all.”

Thor looks momentarily horrified before remembering Loki’s story. “Ah, yes, well, we shall be certain to prevent such occurrences.”


	16. Days’ End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> School year winds down and so does the story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry! They'll be back!

> If I was bounded in a single nut shell, I would consider myself a king of infinite space.

― William Shakespeare, _Hamlet_

 

###

 

“Again? Really?” Loki dabs the cloth below Steve's nose, sopping up blood. “You're lucky your nose wasn't broken.”

“You should've seen this guy! He was your height but twice as bulky.”

“So, naturally, you thought to pick a fight?”

“He was trash-talkin' a girl in a wheelchair. You know I can't just let that go.”

Loki sighs and strokes Steve's cheek. “Your kindness is going to get you killed one of these days. Then whose bed will I crawl into?”

Steve smiles warmly. “I'd say sorry, but I'm not.”

“You're a good man, Steve Rogers.” Loki kisses his forehead. “I'm lucky to have you.”

 

###

 

“God! I'm never going to sleep again.” Bucky throws his hand over his face dramatically.

Natasha grins. “Well, the beauty sleep wasn't working anyway.”

“Does Clint really have to live with us?”

“Steve invited him.” She points out.

Steve shrugs. “He's here all the time anyway. Might as well get him to pay some rent.” He goes back to the papers he's looking at.

“Steeeeve.” Bucky starts whining. Natasha hits him.

“You're just annoyed because you don't have a boyfriend to move in with you like the rest of us.”

“That's not true. I could have a boyfriend if I wanted one.”

Steve snickers. “Are you sure that's what you meant?”

“Yes. No. I hate you both.” Bucky buries his face in a couch pillow.

Natasha laughs. “Well, Clint promised to bring beer and tacos for us tonight?” 

Bucky peeks up from his spot. “So I like him.”

“That reminds me.” Steve looks up at Natasha, a half-chewed pencil in his mouth. “When are you and Clint leaving for camp? We should probably find a place before then so you don’t have to try and move everything in September.”

“Mid-June.” She pulls the pencil out of his mouth and gives a look of disgust before dropping it on the floor.

“Well.” Steve defiantly sticks the pencil back in his mouth. “Guess I need to start making some calls.”

 

### 

 

He takes Natasha with him to the first house, which is when Steve discovers she is less than the ideal partner, as she picks apart every little possible problem with the place. He tries to point out it’s just a rental, but she is relentless.

Loki is dragged to the next two, but he shows very little interest in looking at the houses at all. He seems to be there more for the sake of Steve’s company than to help choose a place to live. So while Steve does get a few really, _really_ good kisses out of the arrangement it doesn’t help him solve his housing issue.

In the end, Bucky is the most helpful. Not only does he give good opinions, he even offers a few more house suggestions that he’d found on his own. Between the two of them, they view several places and are finally able to make some headway.

“This one.” Bucky nods as they finish the last of the tour. Steve readily agrees, this being the seventh house he’s looked at not the least among the reasons.

“I agree. There’s tonnes of room, and we can stick Nat and Clint the basement bedroom so they don’t keep the rest of us up all night.”

“You and Loki aren’t gonna start keeping us up all night, are you?”

“No!” Steve blushes heavily. “Not all night.”

Bucky laughs and nudges him. “You’re moving in with a boy, Stevie! For real. How’s it   
feel?”

“Buck. Stop it.” Steve rubs the back of his neck while blushing some more.

“Oh, come on. I actually want to know.”

Steve ducks his head. “It’s good. Now shouldn’t we talk to someone about some sort of paperwork?”

“You bet.” Bucky grins pats Steve on the back. “Then we should tell everyone to start packing, if you want them in here at the beginning of June.”

 

### 

 

Once again they’ve all crowded into the tiny living room to share a meal and companionship. Hypothetically, it’s a movie night though they haven’t started a film yet. Loki and Steve have commandeered a chair in the corner where they are making out like no one else is in the room, while Thor and Sam have a lively discussion about some new girl at the R.O.T.C. Clint keeps trying to steal Natasha’s beer and being rewarded with an elbow to the gut. Amidst all this, Bucky clears his throat and tries to get their attention.

“Hey, assholes! Shut up.” Natasha grins as everyone turns in her direction.

“Thanks.” Bucky also grins as he stands next to her and raises his beer bottle. “First, thank you everyone for coming and braving Natasha’s cooking tonight.”

This earns him a chunk of garlic toast to the thigh.

“But, more importantly, here’s to a great year gone and an even better one coming in our new place. It’s great to see our little family expanding, and more importantly, it’s great to get my own room.”

“Jerk!”

“Punk!” Bucky answers Steve’s taunt automatically. “Ah. Where was I? You guys are awesome. Oh. And what movie are we watching?”

They laugh and drink, pick a movie and settle down for a good night in good company. One they all hope is the first of many to come.


End file.
